


if i kept hiding

by thewayofthemandalorian



Category: Prospect (2018)
Genre: Angst, Confusion, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Surprise Kissing, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:22:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26742082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewayofthemandalorian/pseuds/thewayofthemandalorian
Summary: "It hurts to love you, but I still love you, it's just the way I feel."After Ezra rescues you from a fiery crash when you land unexpectedly on the planet he's on, he offers you a partnership. As the partnership progresses, both of you are unaware of how the other feels.
Relationships: Ezra (Prospect 2018)/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with another fic! 
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing for Ezra. This fic is based on the song 13 Beaches by Lana Del Rey.
> 
> This chapter is basically 99% angst/mutual pining. I'm so sorry, but I'll make up for it in the next chapter. 
> 
> Chapter warnings: So much mutual pining, angst, briefest of mentions of murder, a crash landing, yearning.
> 
> Find me over on tumblr @thewayofthemandalorian!

An alarm blared on the console of your pod as you tried - blindly - to ease it into a gentle landing. You weren’t a pilot. But ever since the mercenaries had killed your now former partner, Damon, you were it.

After you had escaped a similar fate that Damon had met (you had turned and run just as the mercenaries were searching Damon’s corpse for any hidden gems. They were going to be sorely mistaken when they discovered that Damon, for all his _many_ faults, wasn’t lying about not having anything of value), you’d somehow managed to hotwire the ship and escape that hellish planet known as the Green. You were attempting to make it to the freighter before its final slingback, but you got the feeling that you weren’t going to make it.

The entire pod shuddered and shook as you entered the atmosphere of another planet - the first planet you had come across after your narrow escape. With any luck, those mercenaries - you didn’t remember their names ( _why were you worried about their names?)_ \- would have forgotten about you or given up on trying to find you. You had been hiding in a thicket when you heard Damon over the radio saying something about “… my partner isn’t the best at what she does.” Your heart had frozen when he said that. Not the part about not being the best, but the actual mention of you. It had been agreed upon that you wouldn’t be mentioned.

With a sickening jolt, your pod crash landed gracelessly in an open field. Breathing shuddering breaths, you attempted to assess the damage of the pod through your quickly waning consciousness. “Oh,” you thought, “the ship is on fire. Lovely,” and promptly passed out.

* * *

Vaguely, you were aware of someone in your pod. A panicked, disembodied voice. Someone asking you if you were all right. You couldn’t tell who it was with their helmet on. You supposed, dumbly, that you probably should have left yours on. It was then that you realized that this mystery person had put it back on for you. You felt very sleepy still, and as the person lifted you up in their arms, you welcomed the sweet embrace of darkness with open arms.

The sound of someone humming filled your ears as you came to. You weren’t in your pod, but someone else’s. _Where am I, then_? A cot. Covered in blankets. Your space suit and helmet had been removed, leaving you in your thermal shirt and work coveralls underneath. Thick gauze padded your left cheek as you slowly became more aware of your surroundings. You tried to speak, tried to find the source of the melodic humming, but all that came out was coughing and sputtering.

“Ah, she’s awake at last!” You had found the source of the humming; a man slightly older than you came into view. While your eyes were still attempting to focus, you could tell that this man was handsome - more than that: he was _beautiful._

“Where…?” you attempted to say in a croaky voice that made you cringe. Your saviour hushed you gently.

“Don’t try to talk just yet, understand, birdie? I reckon you inhaled a healthy dose of smoke in your landing,” said the man. You recognized that slow, melodic voice.

“You!” you whispered, realization coating your hoarse voice. The man nodded slowly.

“I am Ezra, delighted to make your acquaintance, little bird,” he said. It was then that everything came into focus, and you realized that his hair had one rebellious streak of blonde in the sea of dark brown. “What is your name?” he asked.

Your eyes were still so heavy with exhaustion. As you whispered your name, he repeated it, tasting it on his tongue. You realized in your hazy state, that you quite liked the way it sounded on his lips.

You sipped gingerly on some tea as Ezra explained that he had been coming back from his daily stone search when he heard a horrific crash about fifty yards away from his own pod, where you now were. “Nigh unsalvageable, save for one important thing,” he said, giving you a meaningful glance as he continued. “You were rightfully banged up. I don’t know how you got that slice on your lovely visage, but with any luck, it should be right as rain in a week’s time.”

Ignoring how he called you important and your face lovely for just now, you tried to remember how you had cut your face, but couldn’t. _It must have happened in the crash_ , you thought. “Thank you,” you whispered, your voice almost inaudible. But Ezra heard you all the same, gave you a nod.

“Now, if you don’t mind my askin’, how did you manage to find yourself in my little corner of the world?” Ezra asked.

You explained as best that you could that your former partner Damon had needed a new partner after his daughter, Cee, had run away in the middle of the night to go to the Academy. About how awful he was and how you should have gone on to the next call for a mining partner at Puggart Bench. All he cared about was money, the one thing he never seemed to have or find. When you had come across a large batch of aurelac on the planet before the Green, he had stolen it in the middle of the night while you slept and squandered it on sleeping medicine. Ezra frowned sympathetically at this. You had been so close to being finished with mining, being with _him_ , and he had gone and wasted it all away.

You spoke of your time on the Green, surprised when Ezra interrupted to say that he had meant to be on that planet now, too, but his own partner - Number Two, he had called him - had “marooned me here with a crowd of disreputable individuals.” You smiled ruefully, sympathetically, at your new … acquaintance. As your voice shook as you described how the mercenaries had found you, how you had had to make a run for it after they had killed Damon before they found you, Ezra quietly covered your hand with his for a moment. It was a small comfort, but one that you appreciated.

As you wrapped up your story, Ezra sat there, across from you at the kitchen table of his pod and gazed at you for a moment. “Well, little bird, it looks like fate has dealt you a terrible hand in life thus far.” That about summed it up, you thought ruefully as you nodded at him. “I am sorry we had to meet in such circumstances.” He patted your hand gently before getting up to do some things outside.

As the day passed and you phased in and out of sleep, you tried not to think about how you were stuck on this planet with Ezra - a man who seemed nice enough, but someone you did not know past his name and that he was a floater like you - how you had no way of leaving. A small part of you whispered that Ezra might offer to give you passage off this planet to the Pug, but you couldn’t let him do that. He seemed established here, like he was trying to make the best out of a bad situation.

You worried about having to share a bed with this man, too, but that solved itself easily enough - you had been sleeping in Number Two’s bed. Ezra had his own bed on the other end of the room that you had failed to notice before now. _You would figure something out in the morning_ , you thought as Ezra’s soft breathing filled the pod.

* * *

The next morning, you sat at the table, your wound needing a replacement dressing. Ezra sat in front of you, a medkit beside him on the table. You tried not to wince as he pulled the taped gauze from your cheek. A stifled gasp escaped your lips. “I do apologize, birdie,” Ezra said, studying your injury for a moment before pulling out an antiseptic wipe. He cradled the back of your head in his hand as he gingerly applied the antiseptic wipe on your cheek with his other hand. You groaned quietly at the stinging sensation as Ezra stroked the back of your head with his thumb while he continued to wipe the antiseptic generously across your wounded cheek. You mourned the loss of his hand as he pulled it away to finish dressing your wound. A strange look crossed his face for a fraction of a second as he noticed your expression of loss before carrying on in his task, his tongue sticking out between his teeth as he taped the gauze in place. “There. All finished, little bird.”

You guttered out a _thank you_ , your voice still a bit rough. As though he could read your thoughts, Ezra said, “Birdie, I have been doing some rumination. I am in need of a new partner, one that I know isn’t going to leave me high and dry like Number Two did those many months ago. And forgive me for assumin’, but you appear to be in dire need as well.” He looked at you meaningfully. Who were you to disagree with that? “You don’t need to give an answer straight away. Just think it over and in the meanwhile, I won’t kick you to the curb.”

You didn’t need time to think. “Yes,” you said quickly. Ezra quirked a brow, but let you continue. “I, uh, that is … I don’t need time to think about it. I’ll stay, u-until you don’t need me anymore.”

Ezra cracked an easy smile. “Little bird, in my line of work … I don’t think I’ll ever not need you.”

Your heart galloped at that for reasons beyond your comprehension. But you took Ezra’s large calloused hand in your own small one to shake the agreement all the same.

_What’s the worst that could happen?_

* * *

This. This was the worst that could happen.

You should have given it some thought before accepting his offer on your second day with him. Oh, no mistake that Ezra was wonderful and kind and roguish. But he was so _good,_ and _nice_ , and _perfect._

It had been six months of being Ezra’s dig partner, and you were helplessly, endlessly in love with him.

You had realized it just after your second month of this. You had been eating with Ezra after a long day of digging, chatting amiably about this thing or that, when he had noticed a stray bit of food on your upper lip. He’d reached out with his hand, and stroked it away with his thumb, cupping your chin with the rest of his hand. You had inwardly keened at his touch. It was at that moment that you realized you had been doing that since the very beginning.

As you went to bed that night, you thought over everything in the past two months, how he had made you feel: at ease, comforted, secure. How your skin flamed whenever his hand grazed yours. _You were in love with him_.

* * *

It had been easy to hide your feelings at first, but after six months of it and it was starting to wear you down. You _knew_ he didn’t feel the same way for you that you did for him. He was always looking at you oddly, not quite sure what to make of you, you assumed. There had been a few nights where it looked like he wanted to tell you something important, something flashing in his brown eyes, staring a second too long.

You couldn’t let yourself continue like this. You wanted to tell Ezra how you felt. Wanted to kiss him. Have him hold you in his arms. He hadn’t asked for this when he offered to take you on as his partner. Neither had you, you noted. But when the feeling wasn’t reciprocated, it made things uncomfortable, _awkward_. And Ezra was not an awkward man, you knew that, but it would be there - unspoken but there, an elephant in the room, if you let it carry on any longer. He _knew_ something was wrong. He just knew, you could tell. The way his brow would morph into a frown if he caught you gazing at his face for too long.

It would break your heart to leave. But it would break your heart even more to stay. You were colossally undecided. You _wanted_ to be around Ezra, you enjoyed his company. At the same time, though, it hurt too much when he looked at you with those strange expressions, his eyes burning with the need to tell you something. _He probably is trying to figure out how to tell me to leave without hurting my feelings,_ you thought morosely as you chewed on a crusty piece of bread while you waited for the object of your affection-slash-affliction to come out from the shower.

* * *

 _She had to know he loved her. Had loved her since the day he came across her crashed pod. She had to. It can’t go on like this_ , Ezra thought, as he stepped from the shower. He could hear her making dinner in the kitchen as he dried himself off. He couldn’t bear to see her so sad. Something was clearly aching her soul, but he couldn’t figure out what it was. There was a look of something in her eyes that he couldn’t quite place a finger on. And the way she stared at him sometimes when she thought he wasn’t looking.

Ezra had known that he’d loved her since almost the beginning, though he didn’t know it was love at the time. Initially, he thought it was his loneliness rejoicing in the fact that there was finally someone again. Someone kind and honest and good. A beautiful soul, inside and out. But then, things settled. And those feelings didn’t go away. They only intensified. He’d realized halfway through the first month that he loved her, and that those feelings weren’t going away anytime soon. He knew that he made her uncomfortable with his gazes in her direction, that she didn’t reciprocate his affections.

Still, he clung on, loving her silently. Trying to convey through his glances towards her that he did nothing but care. In whatever capacity she wanted. As he finished dressing in his shirt and coveralls, he noted that the sound in the kitchen had gone quiet. She was probably sitting at the table, waiting. She always waited for him to eat. Mostly.

Regardless of her feelings for him, whatever they may be, he wouldn’t ask her to leave, despite how much it hurt. She had nowhere to go; she had made it clear when she accepted his offer all those many months ago.

He remembered when he had taken her into the village, miles and miles away, for supplies in the third month. How excited she had been to see it for the first time, her joy lighting up her entire face. It was infectious. Although Ezra almost always had a smirk of some description on his face, he always smiled a full, true smile when she smiled. Hell, even just thinking about her put a smile on his face. But that day they had meandered through the marketplace, unrushed, enjoying their time. Her laughter had filled the air as he told her about the time he had gone there with Number Two, how disastrous it had been. He enjoyed her company in a way that went beyond his feelings for her. Easy to be around. Although these days it was growing increasingly hard to be around her for too long without the fear of his heart bursting.

Ezra sighed as he hung his towel up next to hers. He knew she’d never reciprocate his feelings for her, that he was nothing but a lovesick fool.

* * *

You pushed the food around on your plate. Ezra, as always, had a hearty appetite and ate as though it was his last meal. “I was thinkin’ birdie, that we’re going to need more supplies soon. Noticed this mornin’ that we are running mighty low on some necessary provisions,” said Ezra around a bite. You poked a potato with your fork, nodding absently as you chewed. “I was thinkin’ we could go in a few days. Maybe the beginning of next week?”

You shrugged. “Sure, that sounds great,” you said, your voice distant. You hadn’t really heard what Ezra had to say.

Ezra placed his fork down. “What troubles you, little bird?” he asked. “You’ve seemed … off recently.”

_I’m in love with you and you don’t feel the same way and it’s breaking me._

“Oh … nothing really. Just tired, that’s all.” You knew that he knew that that was a bald-faced lie. Ezra had seen you tired. This was not tired, this was _morose_. You mentally willed Ezra to not pry, to leave it at that.

“Well, get a good night’s rest tonight. We got a full day of work tomorrow.” Relief flooded your veins, grateful that he didn’t push. You _were_ tired. Just not in a physical way.

* * *

After brushing your teeth that night, Ezra caught you at the bathroom door. “Are you sure you’re well, birdie?” he asked softly. Your heart squeezed painfully at his worry. Schooling your expression, you nodded. “You know you can tell me anythin’ that’s weighing on you, right? That’s what friends are for.” Your heart sank at his choice of word _friend_.

“I’m fine, Ezra. Really,” you said. Your voice cracked slightly on his name. You hoped he wouldn’t notice. If he did, he was kind enough not to point it out. Before you could add anything else, he reached out and cupped your face in his hand, stroking your cheek where a faint scar from your wound had been. A tear slipped involuntarily down your other cheek. It was dark enough that he couldn’t see it. You leaned into his touch for a moment, wanting this moment to extend forever.

Suddenly aware of himself, Ezra pulled his hand back. Your face stung with the loss of it. Too dark to read your expression of love, confusion, and dismay, Ezra simply drawled a “goodnight, little bird.”

Waiting until you were in your cot, you let your tears fall silently and freely. Your time alone was limited, Ezra never took too long in the bathroom. You let out a shuddering sob. It hurt too much to be in his presence, let alone be _touched_ by him. You weren’t sure how you were going to be able to keep this up for much longer.

 _You needed to leave._ The thought permeated every part of you. That moment back there in the hall, the way he had suddenly dropped his hand, was proof. Ezra didn’t love you. 

Suddenly, the running water from the bathroom stopped. You heard Ezra spit his toothpaste into the sink, the water resuming for a second as he rinsed his mouth. He would be out in a minute. Maybe two. Swiping away any residual tears, you shut your eyes, pretending to be asleep when Ezra finished in the bathroom. It would be too dark for him to see your red, splotchy face or your puffy eyes. The light from the bathroom protruded into the main room for a moment as Ezra opened the door before he shut it off. Your eyes stayed shut as you listened to Ezra shuffle across the floor in the dark. He knew this pod so well he could navigate it in the dark without a problem.

Just then, he whispered your name. Your real name. Not a nickname. His voice came from the foot of your bed. You froze for a moment, not responding, keeping your eyes shut, your breathing even. After a moment, assuming you were already asleep, Ezra walked across the room to his own bed. Before too long, his breathing evened out with sleep. You opened your eyes and stared up at the ceiling, your mind flooded with confusion. Fresh tears silently filled your eyes as you listened to Ezra snuffle in his sleep, spilling over as noiselessly as possible. Your own sleep would be a long time coming, that is, if it came at all that night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second half of this fic! Thanks to all who have left feedback! I greatly appreciate it. 
> 
> Chapter warnings: More angst and yearning, miscommunication, a brief argument, kissing (so much kissing), implicit sexual references (I told you I’d make up for all the pain in the first half of this fic!)
> 
> Find me over on tumblr @thewayofthemandalorian

To your surprise, sleep did eventually end up finding you. It was a restless, interrupted sleep, but it was sleep nevertheless.

The events of the previous night followed you around like a stray storm cloud the next day. Ezra didn’t say anything about it. _You_ didn’t say anything about it. But it was there, screaming to be spoken about. Whenever Ezra did open his mouth to speak, it was about something inconsequential.

 _This is why you needed to leave_. This was exactly what you feared - that your feelings would become an elephant in the room that neither of you acknowledged. You remembered vaguely that Ezra had wanted to go into the village to get more supplies in a few days time. That was a perfect opportunity for you to slip out unnoticed.

Your heart stung at the thought of Ezra’s potential reactions. Would he be upset? Relieved? Indifferent?

As you went through the motions that day, Ezra’s voice was a constant stream beside you, your mind wandered. It had been bizarre, at the beginning. Not needing to wear a helmet or space suit on this planet. You were grateful for it. It made work significantly easier. It meant that you sweat more, but you weren’t weighed down by the bulk of the suit.

Ezra hardly seemed to notice you today. Chatty as usual, he seemed distant, hardly paying attention to you as the two of you worked in tandem. You were equal parts relieved and let down that he was giving you your space today. Sure, you could have made an effort, hell, you _wanted_ to make an effort, but there was nothing adequate that came to mind.

Finished for the day, Ezra let you take the first shower. Looking into the mirror, you looked a _mess_. You had purple bags under your eyes, which were puffy and red from lack of sleep. They had a glazed look to them as well, a look that you only had when you were sick or exhausted. As you stepped into the warm spray of the shower, you hoped that a shower would wash away most of it.

* * *

She looked _awful_. Ezra knew that something was eating at her, but he still could not put a finger on it. His best guess was that she was starting to glean on to the fact that he loved her and she didn’t reciprocate, but didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

When he had come out of the bathroom last night, he was going to tell her how he felt, too tired of keeping it bottled in. But she had already been asleep. Though it was dark, he could see that her expression, usually soft and relaxed in sleep, was sad and pained. Ezra hated to see her this anguished. He hadn’t been thinking when he reached out to touch her face outside the bathroom, it had just happened. But the way she sighed and leaned into the touch for a moment told him that on some level, she returned his feelings.

Ezra gave her some space that day; she was clearly going through _something_ , though what, he still had yet to decipher. Even in her melancholia, she was still lovely to be around. Always making sure he had enough, or that he wasn’t working himself too hard.

As Ezra showered, he thought, _why not tell her how I feel at the market? We always have such fun there._

He had to come up with a contingency plan, in case she did not reciprocate his feelings. What to do if she turned him down? _She would have to stay, of course_. Ezra was not so cruel to kick someone out just because they did not share his feelings. The only time he had done that was in a moment of no other choice many years ago.

Assured in his plan, Ezra smiled to himself. This would work. But he would also try and see what was troubling her today. Maybe he could help.

“Little bird,” he said in between bites of soup. She glanced up from her own bowl of soup to meet his look. “I don’t mean to pry … but are you sure everythin’ is all right? You seem to have the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

She blinked. “I’m fine, Ezra. Just didn’t sleep well last night, that’s all.”

Ezra knew he was teetering on the edge of prying, but still he pressed on. “You’re absolutely sure, birdie? There’s nothing eating away at you? If there’s anything you need me to do…”

Her face softened, and for a minute it seemed to Ezra that she was on the brink of tears. She smiled, radiant and lovely even when it was strained. “I promise, Ezra. Everything’s fine.”

A strand of her hair fell into her face. For the second time in less than twenty-four hours, Ezra reached out without thinking, to tuck it behind her ear, stroking her hair with his hand as he dropped it to her cheek. Then she did something that surprised him as much as it surprised her. She took his wrist in her hand and held his hand to her face, her thumb stroking his wrist softly. All Ezra could do was stare, dumbfounded.

_Did she …?_

And then, as quickly as it had started, she dropped his hand and slid her chair back, a flustered expression on her face as she finished the last spoonfuls of her soup.

Just as Ezra was finished untangling his thoughts, she stood abruptly. Giving him a wan smile, she collected their dishes and meandered to the kitchen sink to get started on clean-up.

* * *

You knew that you had overstepped when Ezra had reached out to tuck your hair behind your ear. The flummoxed expression on his face as you had held his hand in place told you all that you needed to know. You didn’t give him the opportunity to talk to you about it.

Ezra spoke quietly from behind you. “So, birdie, I was thinkin’,” he started. Your heart started a gallop, waiting for him to continue. “And I reckon we should go into town tomorrow. I noticed today that we’re at the end of our stone cleaner.”

_Oh. Of course. He probably just didn’t want to embarrass you._

“Oh! Um … sure, that sounds great,” you said, attempting to keep your voice light, ignoring that you would be leaving tomorrow while he was at the market.

Ezra fixed you with a look that, like usual, you couldn’t read. Was he always so difficult to read?

As Ezra’s soft snores filled the pod, you formulated a plan in your head on how you would leave tomorrow. You hated that it had to end like this, you really did. But you couldn’t go on like this anymore. You weren’t sure what to do when you reached civilization - ask for a ride with a travelling merchant perhaps? You’d take the spare speeder bike as far as the market, that much you knew. Beyond that, it was anyone’s guess. You just hoped that Ezra wouldn’t be too lonely without you.

That’s why you had stayed as long as you had, you supposed. The thought of Ezra being lonely was too much for you to bear. Thick tears brushed against your eyelashes. It was selfish, you supposed, leaving like this, like a thief in the night. No. It had gone on long enough. Him not wanting you. You could never blame him for it; you didn’t have it in you to blame him. It was no fault of his own that he didn’t share your feelings. You just didn’t want things to become uncomfortable with him. As you closed your eyes for sleep, you hoped that, one day, he could forgive you.

* * *

Ezra woke you early the next morning. The sun had barely made its way over the horizon when you heard his voice. “Little bird, it’s time to wake up.” You blinked blearily at him. _Here’s hoping your acting abilities are up to snuff._

“Ezra … I’m so sorry. I can’t go,” you said, pressing a hand to your forehead for effect. “I’ve got a splitting migraine this morning.”

Ezra looked concerned. “Well, this simply will not do, birdie. We shall simply have to postpone our trip.”

You had counted on that. “No, Ezra. You go on ahead without me. We need those supplies.”

Ezra frowned. “Well, so long as you’re sure, little bird. I’ll be back before dark.” You nodded, slipping your eyes shut. “And when I get back … there’s somethin’ that I’ve been meanin’ to talk to you about.” You froze for half a second.

“O-okay. I’ll, uh, I’ll see you when you get back.” The lie felt heavy on your tongue, guilt coursing through your veins. When you opened your eyes to see him standing above you, the guilt increased tenfold. His kind warm brown eyes were filled with concern as he looked down at you. You noticed faintly that the sun was giving his hair a golden glow to it. He quickly leaned down and pressed his lips to your forehead before stepping back. His stubble tickled your skin.

“Back in a tick, little bird!” Ezra said over his shoulder as he stepped out the door. The _clunk_ of the pod door behind him indicated that you were alone.

* * *

Ezra knew that something was awry with her. She had been acting fishy for a while, now. And the migraine was just _too_ convenient. He never wanted to doubt her word, but he had his suspicions that she wasn’t being entirely _truthful_ with him.

He’d seen the way she had tensed earlier that morning when he said he had something he wanted to discuss with her. But he had also seen the way she had welcomed his kiss with open arms, practically sinking into the bed. She was a puzzler, that was for certain.

He had reached the halfway point signpost for the market square in the village. But he never made it to the village. He’d turned around just after passing the signpost.

 _To hell with waiting. Kevva himself would not wait this long_.

* * *

You did one more scan of the pod, making sure you had everything. Toothbrush, spare clothing and work clothes, sleep pants, your music console. You remembered when Ezra had found it in your pack the fourth day after you had joined him. Somehow he’d rigged it so it played over the speakers while he dressed your wound. That seemed like another lifetime ago, now. Even then, he had been so tender, so _caring._ You knew by that point that he was a space pirate, a rogue streak as prominent as the blonde swatch in his hair. But he was never a rake with you. Not once.

 _Focus_ , you told yourself. Your suit was folded up beneath your helmet, both packed snugly in the speeder bike’s basket outside. You forced yourself not to cry as you took the photo Ezra had taken of the two of you on a dig about two months ago from the cooler. You stuffed it in a spare notepad you had. You forgot why you had that notepad; you’d never used it before. Had someone given it to you?

Shaking your head, you pushed your wildly out-of-place thoughts from your mind. It was just before midday, which gave you ample time to slip out undetected from Ezra.

 _Should you leave a note?_ Your fingers hesitated as you looked down at the notepad still in your hand. What would you even say, though? _Dear Ezra, sorry to split like this, but I’m in love with you and I can’t handle it_? No. You couldn’t write a note. There was too much to say but no words to properly convey in a note. You could write a whole damn novel about your love for him and how it pains you to love him when he does not feel the same.

You’d never felt this way about anyone before. Sure, you’d been in love before, but never like _this._ This made everything before pale in comparison. As you left your spare key to the pod on the table, you paused for a moment, thinking you heard the speeder bike in the distance.

 _It couldn’t be_ , you thought as you hoisted your pack over your shoulders. It was probably the large willow tree, the branches gently swaying in the early fall breeze. It would be a long journey to the market. Ezra had taken the _good_ speeder, but even so, he had said it would be around dark when he got back. You had just rounded the corner to the back of the pod where the speeder bikes were kept when you heard it.

 _Ezra’s voice._

* * *

“Little bird?” Ezra said, “are you … going somewhere?” His voice was incredulous.

“What are you doing here? You said you would be back after dark. You weren’t supposed to -” Your voice was panicked, frantic as Ezra took you in, understanding beginning to crawl slowly across his face.

“Supposed to _what_ , sweetheart?” he asked, taking a step towards you.

“You weren’t supposed to know that I was … Well, that I was leaving,” you said. It could have been said better, you knew that. _Kevva help me_ , you thought as you saw Ezra’s expression change from understanding to confusion and hurt.

“Little bird, have I done something to vex you? Is this why you’ve been so off recently? If there’s somethin’ I’ve done, _tell me_ , and I’ll do what I can to repair it.” You couldn’t bear to hear the sound of confusion in Ezra’s voice as he spoke.

“ _No_ , Ezra. Kevva, no! You didn’t do anything wrong! It’s me,” you said. Ezra’s brows raised. This is exactly what you didn’t want to have happen. You dropped your pack to the ground and walked towards the tree. You could hear Ezra right behind you, very clearly not finished with this discussion. You turned around to face him, seeing his brown eyes, usually so kind and soft, storming with confusion and a hint of anger.

“Oh, _really_?” he snapped. “And what, pray tell, is it that has you in a hurry? If it’s not me, as you so insist, then what is it that has you so hell-bent on leavin’? I think as your friend and partner of almost seven months, I have a _right_ to know what’s got you runnin’ like a thief in the night. Do you _dislike_ me that much?”

Something inside you snapped. “No, Ezra! I don’t dislike you. I don’t dislike you at all. How could I? When you -” You broke off. He gestured impatiently at you to go on. “When you are the best person I could have possibly ever met. I love you! Is that what you wanna hear, Ezra? I love you. And I know you don’t love me, back. That’s why I’m leaving. I understand, Kevva knows I do, but I can’t do this. Not to myself. Not to _you_. It wouldn’t be fai-”

The rest of your speech was cut off. A low growl made its way through Ezra's throat as he clutched the front of your shirt with his hands, yanking you to him, and crashed his lips to yours, swallowing your gasp of surprise with his mouth. Your hands found purchase at his hips, pulling him closer. It was not a gentle kiss. Not by a long shot. It was greedy, hungry. Filled with unspoken things. You broke the kiss for air, resting your forehead against his as he chased your lips with his, not wanting to be parted from you for even the briefest of moments.

“You,” said Ezra in between a kiss, “are like the very air I breathe, dear girl.” He kissed you again. “Do you not know that I would hang the very _stars_ for you, little bird?” Another kiss, your strangled sound of surprise morphed into a moan as his lips roamed yours, his tongue poking at your lips, begging for entrance into your mouth. “Kevva himself.” _Kiss_. “Could not.” _Kiss._ “Fathom such beauty, such grace, such _goodness_. I love you, my dear girl.”

He pulled back for a moment, a familiar look on his face. The look that had haunted you for months. Suddenly everything clicked into place as he pulled his kiss-swollen lips back from your own puffy, swollen lips. The look he was always giving you. It wasn’t one of confusion. It was one of awe. Adoration. Love.

“I love you, Ezra.” You cupped his face with your hands, a laugh escaping your lips as you pressed them against his again. He was gentler this time, though no less passionate. You wrapped your arms around his body, needing him close to you. His lips broke from yours, roaming your cheek and jaw. You bent your head upwards, allowing him access to your neck. His scruff tickled in the best way as he moved his lips across your skin.

One of Ezra’s hands moved to your leg, pulling it around his hip. A look crossed his eye. “Do you -? Can we-?” you asked in between frantic kisses anywhere your lips could land.

“Yes, my dear thing. _Yes._ I mean to have you.”

With great ease and care, Ezra lowered the two of you to the ground, caging your body with his. Nothing else seemed to matter. The fact that you had attempted to leave not ten minutes ago was a thing of the ancient past. That you had thought, foolishly, that Ezra had not reciprocated your feelings - when that couldn’t be further from the truth - was a thing of distant memory. None of that mattered anymore, you thought absently, your lips never far away from Ezra’s skin, nor his from yours. The only thing that mattered right here, right now, was you and him. Together. There, in the white sunshine, beneath the tree, the two of you loved each other to the point of exhaustion.

* * *

“Ezra,” you whispered, hours later. You were covered by his long jacket, resting your head on his chest, his arm wrapped around you. The rest of your clothes lay haphazardly across the ground. Ezra’s eyes were shut, but you knew he was still awake. You pressed a kiss to his shoulder. He looked peaceful. Tranquil.

“Mmm,” he mumbled, wrapping his other arm around you, pulling you on top of him again, his hands landing at your back. He kissed you soundly. “Hi, sweet thing,” he mumbled against your lips. You pecked his lips quickly once. Twice. Just to do so. He smiled languidly against your lips. 

“Hi yourself,” you replied, nestling your face in the crook of his neck, where you had left a mark earlier. “We should probably go inside. It’s getting cold.”

Ezra pressed his lips to your temple, his words sending a different chill down your spine. “Don’t worry, little bird. I’ll warm you up.”

You stifled a grin, gasping as he scooped you up in his arms. “Ezra, I can walk just fine,” you protested as he carried you to the pod.

Ezra shot you a look. “Then I didn’t do my job correctly. Come on, sweet thing. We still have lost time to make up for.”

* * *

Your eyes fluttered open slowly. You were thoroughly spent. The narrow space beside you in the cot was empty, but the sheets were still warm. Ezra hadn’t been gone long. “Ezra,” you said. Scraping and grunting was the response you got. You rolled over to your other side to see Ezra pushing his own cot towards the one you were in. “What are you doing?” you asked as he gave the cot another shove.

“I’m movin’ this over there,” Ezra replied, giving the cot another shove. “Little bird, I would share your bed anywhere, anytime. But it needs to be _big_ enough for us both.” With one final shove, the two cots were connected. You reached a hand up lazily to stroke his cheek.

“Come back to bed, Ezra. It’s late,” you said. Sitting up, you helped him with the blankets and sheets, making it more comfortable for the two of you.

Ezra slipped beneath the sheets once again, pulling you close to him. “That’s better, birdie,” he said. You hummed in agreement. The two of you fit together like puzzle pieces. If only you had told him of your feelings sooner. At this thought, unexpected tears started to spring in your eyes.

At your sniffle, Ezra pulled your head back from his chest, holding it in his hands, forcing you to look at him. “My sweet darling. What troubles you?” he asked, brushing a tear away with his thumb.

“I just…” you start, trying to find your words. “We could have had this a lot sooner, Ezra. If only I had … If only… I’m sorry,” you said.

“Hey. None of that, now. You hear? We were _both_ a couple of lovesick fools who couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Do you hold it against _me_?” Ezra asked softly. You shook your head. How could you hold it against him? Ezra pressed his lips against your forehead before continuing. “And I could never hold it against you, my darling girl. _Never._ Do you hear me? I love you. I have loved you since the moment I first laid eyes upon you properly.” He kissed you once, twice.

“I love you,” you whispered back to him, settling against him. Sleep began to tug you closer as Ezra stroked your back soothingly. You slept, like that.

* * *

The next morning, you woke before Ezra. Sunlight streamed in through the open blinds. In your haste the evening before, you had forgotten to close the blinds. You had shifted sometime in the night, your face buried into his chest when you woke, lying on your side. You smiled sleepily as you gazed up at him. So calm in sleep. The weight of the world lifted from his shoulders in sleep. You leaned up and pressed your lips to the scruff of his beard. “Ezra,” you whispered, pressing a kiss just beneath his ear. He moaned, stirring from sleep, his hold on you tightening slightly. You pressed another kiss to his jaw. Ezra inhaled slightly.

“Are you trying to send me to Kevva early, darling girl?” Ezra asked, his voice rough from sleep.

You smiled against his neck, easing up on your kisses to say, “no.” The smile was evident in your voice as you returned your lips to his jaw. Finally, your lips slotted against his for a long moment.

“Good morning,” Ezra said, his mouth inches away from yours. You met them softly with your own, your hand winding into his hair gently.

“Hi,” you said breathlessly. He pulled you close. “What’s going on, Ezra?” you asked, carding your fingers in his hair.

“I just want to hold you for a while, little bird. Just like this,” he whispered against your cheek. His voice was thick with emotion. You held him tighter, your face returning to the crook of his neck as he held you. The two of you sat there like that for a long while. “I love you,” he said hoarsely.

You kissed his cheek. “I love you, Ezra.” You didn’t think you would ever get tired of saying that. Before he could say anything more, your stomach grumbled loudly. It had been quite some time since you had last eaten anything. Ezra had fixed you a plate of food to share last night, but that had been many, many hours ago. 

You smiled an embarrassed smile. Ezra quirked a brow at you. “Have our _activites_ worked up your appetite, little bird?” he asked. You sighed against his face. While you were happy to stay like this with him, you knew that you needed to get up.

* * *

Wrapped in a sheet, you watched from the table as Ezra cooked the two of you a simple breakfast, wearing nothing but his sleep pants. He had refused your offer to help outright, urging you to sit while he cooked. It was nice. _Domestic_. Something that you could easily get used to, you thought. His fingers twined through yours as you ate your breakfast.

Suddenly you remembered something. “Our clothes,” you said. “They’re still outside.” You couldn’t help but laugh.

“Too right you are, little bird. It seems that in our eagerness, we forgot,” said Ezra, an easy grin forming on his own face. You stroked his thumb with your own.

It was easy, sitting there with him like that. Now that the haze of confusion had been lifted, you felt completely at ease with both him and yourself.

The sheet you were wrapped in slipped slightly as Ezra stood to clear the dishes. “You have stains all down your back, dear thing,” he pointed out, laughter tinging his voice, remembering the events of yesterday. What had caused you to get those stains, or rather _who._

“Yes, I figured as much. Someone had their way with me beneath the tree yesterday,” you said drily, a smirk crossing your face as Ezra choked slightly on his coffee at your words. You turned to face him. “I figure a shower would do us both some good,” you said. You offered for him to go shower first while you tidied up the kitchen. You knew that if you offered to go together, it would turn into something else entirely before too long.

“Don’t take too long in there, sweet thing. I’m not finished with you yet,” Ezra said as he emerged from the bathroom in almost record speed.

* * *

Much, _much_ later, the two of you lay entwined together in your merged beds. You rested on his chest, Ezra’s arm draped across your back. His hand stroked soothing patterns against the skin of your back, almost lulling you back to sleep.

“Little bird?” he said suddenly, his chest rumbling against your ear.

“Yes?” you said dreamily.

“Don’t go anywhere. Not without me. I don’t think my old heart could take it,” Ezra said quietly, self-consciously. He almost sounded afraid of what your answer would be. You propped yourself up on your elbow so that you could look him directly in his eyes.

“Ezra, I’m not going anywhere. Not without you. You’re stuck with me, I’m afraid.” You pressed your lips to his to further confirm this. “I love you,” you said as you settled back down against him, letting him cage your body against his.

It had been an … _interesting_ few days to say the least. You realized now that you should have just spoken your feelings to Ezra sooner. But you couldn’t change that, not now. Not that it mattered. You didn’t care that it had taken the two of you this long to get here. What mattered was that you were here, now, with him. Everything else was just detail.

As Ezra shifted slightly, on the precipice of sleep, you snuggled against him. You let him rest. When he woke, you would continue on your day, doing nothing in particular with him. For right now, you were happy to rest with him. If you were lucky, you would doze off as well. Ezra muttered your name in his sleep as you brushed his blonde streak out of his eyes gently. He needed a haircut soon, you thought. You pushed the tasks you knew the two of you needed to complete out of your mind. They would keep.


End file.
